As One Life Ends

During my father’s last few lucid moments, my husband and I went to his bedside.

“Daddy, I’m going to have a baby,” I whispered.  I wished for him to hear what I was saying.  I hoped he understood that this was one true glimmer in the midst of his cancer induced fugue.

His eyes opened just a little bit wider, and his pained grimace fashioned itself into a weak, yet elated grin. This would be the last time I would see him smile.

He reached out for both of our hands.  Once he steadied his hold, he said, “As one life ends, another one begins.”

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “As One Life Ends

Add yours

  1. Oh Erin, I know hoe much it hurts not to be able to share your life with ageing parents.I have been through my dads dementia when he did not even recognize me.I am glad your dead could hear your news and be happy for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You did a good job keeping it short – sometimes people draw out stories that don’t intrinsically have to be long, and the stories lose a lot in the telling.

    Since you’ve got our concrit badge on, I’m going to dive a little deeper and wonder if you didn’t clip this one a little *too* short, though. Unless the reader brings a lot of themself to this story, there isn’t much there besides “this happened and then that happened.” Is your father’s comment in character? Did it remind you of childhood advice? Did it change the way you thought about the child later? As it stands, this is a little closer to a diary entry, albeit a lovely one, than a story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the thoughtful concrit! I agree, it is cut off and mildly cold for the subject, but I do like that it is very succinct because the moment itself was brief and beautiful. I was working on thoughtful stories for a 100 word or less challenge, and this was one of my “brain children.” I would like to expand on the moment in the future, and I really like the questions you threw out there. These are really fantastic angles to think from.

      Like

      1. I don’t think it’s cold so much as understated – in fact, the one place where I think you tried to “warm it up” feels more like wasting words on drama than advancing the story. What I think I’m looking for though is more of a narrative arc. That’s the sweet spot of 100-word-or-fewer stories: can you manage to insert that arc, that change in a character’s perception or action, into so few words.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: